Frequently asked questions

Here’s my “average” client: a married, educated, well-off American couple with three children, concerned about their 17-year-old daughter who declared a trans identity two years ago and binds daily. She’s counting down the days until she can start a new life in college, and seems to expect to medicalize on her parents’ dime. That said, I work with families from all over the world, of every racial, religious, political, and socioeconomic background. Their children are male and female, under 10 to over 30. They declared a new identity a week or a decade ago. They may have already removed body parts or barely considered medicalizing. They might have autism or OCD or zero psychiatric history. They might be effeminate or butch or up until recently quite typical for their sex. It’s a broad range.

Therapists diagnose and treat mental illness. This profession is considered within the medical field, and operates under the medical model. I am trained and qualified to do this, but not currently accepting patients. Because patients are vulnerable and therapists hold power in the clinical relationship, therapists have particular legal and ethical responsibilities toward patients beyond the scope of what I can enumerate here. As a coach, I retain consideration for my clients’ vulnerability, as well as respect for their dignity, autonomy, and privacy. However, I step outside of the medical model. I am not taking you on as a patient, nor am I diagnosing or treating mental illness. I assume your judgment and functioning are sound, and only work with clients who are mentally stable and/or getting the psychological support they need elsewhere.

Our coaching work is collaborative, educational, and directive. I reveal more of my own thought process, and sometimes the personal background and beliefs informing those thoughts, than would be appropriate in a therapist-client relationship. Coaching clients hire me to share my ideas, whereas therapy centers the client’s perspective.

Therapists do not tell their clients what to do, but help them weigh their choices within their own values framework while exploring potential unconscious drivers of unwanted behaviors. In contrast, you’re hiring me as a coach because you want my guidance on what you should do in order to reach your goals. I will help you plan, carry through, and choose your words and actions strategically. These are but a few of the differences between therapy and coaching. It is also important to be aware that coaching is not a regulated or standardized practice; anyone can describe what they do as coaching. That said, I bring to our work skills I’ve developed as a therapist, and clients benefit from my psychological insights. I also teach therapeutic techniques and psychological concepts that benefit family interactions.

No. Appointments are only for you and those who understand your concerns. In rare instances, I may be willing to meet with a youth who is open-minded and looking for outside perspectives, but this is the exception rather than the rule.

If we have already gotten established in our work together, you can schedule as needed. Your rates will remain locked-in to our original agreement. However, if you’re a new client, you can start with either an Onboarding Package or a Saturday Morning Intensive.

• My child is a grown adult?
• My child lives far away?
• My child is not dependent on me?
• My child has begun social or medical transition?
• I have affirmed in the past and now regret it?
• I have a strained or estranged relationship?
• My child has autism or another diagnosis?
• I have regrets about my parenting?
• I have a specific political or religious stance?

The answer to all of these is yes. As long as you haven’t given up on your child, I won’t give up on you. None of these factors in and of itself is a deal-breaker, or means that all hope is lost. They may be important considerations in what aims and methods suit your situation. The factors that do influence my ability to help you are listed under What I ask of you on the Coaching page.

Here is a list of professional organizations that may be able to help you find a suitable referral:

• Gender Harmony Institute
• Beyond Trans
• Therapy First
• Open Therapy Institute
• Conservative Counselors
• Critical Therapy Antidote
• Association for Mental Health Professionals

Sadly, many therapists cannot be trusted to handle this situation appropriately, while many trans- identified youth are unwilling to meet with therapists that don’t wholeheartedly “affirm.” At worst, sending your child to the wrong therapist can drive a wedge in your relationship and further entrench the false identity as a coping mechanism. You could end up reported to Child Protective Services for failing to “affirm” your child’s “identity.” If your child expresses suicidal ideation — even if it is passive and low-risk, without any plan, means, intent, or urgency — they could be placed in a psychiatric hospital setting where you are backed into a corner and forced to use their new name and pronouns in order to retrieve your child from the hospital. And many youth are taught by online activists (who know all of this) to claim suicidal thoughts as a means of backing their parents and medical providers into a corner where they are forced to cave in to demands for affirmation — a form of psychological blackmail.

However, even if your child is willing to see a vetted and skillful exploratory therapist — and you’re able to find one in your area — it may still be valuable to work with me. Your child will only see that therapist for an hour a week at most, whereas they spend much more time with you and are highly influenced by your relationship. In fact, as much as it may pain you to examine the issue, it’s possible that your child’s false identity is a way of coping with, or seeking attention for, problems that originate in family dynamics. Working to improve your part in things is the best way to ensure that therapy does not drive the wedge further.

In individual therapy, your child may vent their frustrations about you. Even a well-meaning therapist can inadvertently collude with your child’s faulty perspective on your actions and motives as a parent, or can wind up idealized as the “good” adult in your child’s mind, reinforcing their sense of you as an authoritarian killjoy (or whatever other negative role they’ve cast you into).

In contrast, when you engage in parent coaching, you take it upon yourself to take cues from your child’s behaviors — immature and nonsensical as they may sometimes be (decoding these is where I come in) — as to what you can do to improve your relationship. This not only reduces the likelihood of deeper reliance on flawed coping mechanisms; it can even offer them a way out of pain and potentially a resolution to the actual problem that’s ailing them while strengthening the relationship best suited to help them.

That being said, a trustworthy, vetted, exploratory therapist for your child can be a wonderful addition to our work together — if your child is willing to see them! A therapist your child can trust and build rapport with will likely not have an online presence speaking out against the gender madness. See “Will you help me find a therapist?” above for referral sources to check out. Just please don’t put all of your faith in therapy to do the work; your relationship is a powerful factor you can work on every day.

Please tell your spouse that their participation is paramount. There is little point in having one parent join me for coaching without the other’s participation.

Absolutely. The best case scenario is when exes are on good terms and can come together for this coaching process. Alternatively, I am happy to include new partners and fellow step-parents. In less optimal situations, I will work with single parents or those on poor terms with exes. Of course, you are probably painfully aware of how your ex’s position on this matter may combine with other situational factors to put you in a disadvantageous position. We will navigate your options accordingly.

If you are estranged but have reason to believe the situation is short-lived or can be repaired, please schedule a free new client consultation to discuss your situation and options.

I get this question a lot. It’s fair, and it’s what I would want to know if I were in your shoes. Unfortunately, I can’t provide a clear-cut answer. I work with many families through the hardest chapters, where they feel the most at-risk of their child medicalizing. Families often pause our visits when they reach a holding pattern in which the child has not yet completely desisted, but is not persisting deeper into medicalization either. At this point, the situation has stabilized and no longer feels like a crisis; the child is engaged in healthier pursuits; family relationships have improved significantly; and the parents are clear on what changes they need to continue working on in order to support further positive development.

Sometimes, I am fortunate enough to hear from these families several months or even years later when they are completely out of the woods. Please see the Desistance Stories section of ROGD Repair.

As one of a small handful of psychology professionals speaking out on this issue, I’ve become a go-to person for related issues that don’t quite fit the description of my typical client. For example, this broader range has included adults concerned about a sibling, and trans widows (ex-wives of men who “transitioned”) concerned about how their child is impacted by his father’s behavior. Feel free to book a consultation to explore whether my services are right for you.

Your preferred meeting time may not be available. The further out we plan, the easier it will be to obtain your desired time slots.

No, but the transcripts from our meetings will allow you to revisit any part of the conversation you’d like to look back on.

Email, text, and the SimplePractice portal are for scheduling and other logistics. You can also use these to share information you’d like to go over during appointments. For instance, parents sometimes send me screenshots of text exchanges so we can use our time together planning a thoughtful response. I will wait until our scheduled appointments to discuss materials you send between visits.

Between sessions, RepairBot is available 24/7 to help you think through situations in real time, with text and voice call features. It’s trained on my approach and can provide instant support when you need it most.

Established clients are asked to provide 48 hours notice when canceling or rescheduling an appointment. Providing less than 48 hours may result in a charge of 50% of the normal appointment fee. As a courtesy, I waive this fee one time per party because unforeseen circumstances happen to the best of us.

Established clients no-showing without any communication will result in the full fee being charged. Anyone who no-shows a free call will not be permitted to book a free call in the future.

When you book through my Calendly, it automatically adjusts to your time zone. When we book manually, always specify your time zone, and I will do the same. I am usually in PST. Kindly take extra caution in the weeks surrounding clock changes, spring and fall; regional practices vary.

The intake forms I send you in SimplePractice will ask for the background information I like to have on hand. However, I want to keep expectations reasonable in terms of what writing to me can realistically achieve. It won’t speed the onboarding process along; we still need time to develop a relationship and process the information together via real time dialogue.

I work remotely and do not have a public office, but can design custom intensives for established clients who feel that spending several hours together in person would help them achieve powerful lasting changes. The price of such intensives would reflect your dedicated access to me for an extended period of time and incorporate the costs of any travel required. If interested, please discuss this with me in a meeting.

After initial onboarding, once my mental map of your family dynamics is established, we can meet on a timeline that suits your situation. But if we’re just getting acquainted, no matter how infrequently you hear from your child, or how little action you can see yourself taking at this stage, I need those initial eight visits in close proximity in order for the foundation of our work to set properly.

I would caution you not to overwhelm yourself or move in conflicting directions at the same time. If my approach resonates, I advise you to focus on ROGD Repair and our work together, which may mean less time spent on different perspectives.

In my experience, parents who divide themselves between a variety of resources and professionals miss opportunities to use tools they would have mastered had they approached my program systematically instead.

I have a recommended reading list at sometherapist.com/bookshop. There’s a section specifically for ROGD parents, though I don’t always keep it updated. However, I developed ROGD Repair not because my clients lacked information on the transgender contagion, its surrounding history and politics, or the harms of medicalization; many are well informed. Rather, parents need guidance on specifically what to do and how to respond to their child, informed by psychology — not culture wars.

I encourage you to educate yourself enough to understand relevant history and medical facts, but pace yourself and focus on the details that will actually empower you to respond effectively to the crisis in your own family. That’s what ROGD Repair is for.

People who are drawn to my approach but not ready to commit to working one-on-one have multiple options. My podcast, You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist, is available on all platforms. Parents who are ready for more focused guidance can join my self-study program, ROGD Repair, and go at their own pace.

Personalized services are reserved for people who are fully committed to getting all the help they can, and ready to invest multiple hours per week between coaching and self-study.

All of that being said… unfortunately, many parents contact me late in the game, after significant damage has already occurred — whether to familial relationships, their child’s body, or both. While some truly did not know where to turn earlier, others had been following my work for a while and simply hesitated to take the plunge until their child quite literally had a life-changing surgery looming on the horizon. It can be very difficult to turn things around at that point, even if I do have a sense of where a parent had zigged when they should have zagged.

Some parents are in denial or simply ignorant about how perilous their situation is. For instance, I’ve met parents unaware that dating a trans-identified romantic partner significantly increases the risk of their child “coming out.” Ignorance about social contagion and youth vulnerability can lead to shock and helplessness when faced with difficult conversations. When parents come to me after having had those conversations unprepared, the first step is often retracing their steps and assessing the damage done by their reaction when caught off-guard. Such mistakes could have been avoided with a more proactive approach.

If you think you need help, you probably do. The process takes time, so don’t hesitate to begin now. I’ve seen the best results in people who fully accepted that this was a stage of their lives that would significantly derail them from their other goals, much like receiving a cancer diagnosis would, and pivoted accordingly. These parents were not only proactive, but also patient through the often painstaking process of talking through the most seemingly minute of details in their interactions with their child.

Coaching is an unregulated profession, not a medical service, and therefore not ruled by HIPAA laws. That being said, I make every effort to protect privacy out of respect, and bring the habits of a seasoned therapist to my work as a coach. I choose to continue using HIPAA-compliant software when possible.

SimplePractice will prompt you to enter credit card information that will be kept on file for your account. It is stored securely, and I cannot actually see your card details myself.

With the Onboarding Package, the full $3,957 is billed upfront through SimplePractice and applied as a credit to your account. I deduct each component — first your Lifetime ROGD Repair Plus RepairBot membership, then each session as we go — until your balance reaches zero at the end of the package. From that point onward, ongoing sessions are billed individually after each appointment, typically overnight.

I do not discount time spent one-on-one with people. This work requires intense concentration and I can only do it so many hours per week.

The coupon code SOMETHERAPIST2026 will take 50% off your first month of membership in ROGD Repair.

If you are financially struggling and cannot afford my one-on-one coaching services but need assistance accessing ROGD Repair due to financial hardship, email hello@rogdrepair.com with the subject line “SCHOLARSHIP REQUEST” and a brief description of your circumstances.

While I understand the reasons for wanting to do so, FSA/HSA accounts are for medical expenses. Coaching does not qualify. Please do not attempt to use one of these accounts to cover our work.

It’s not a good use of our time to repeat concepts I have already detailed in the course. Working through the materials on your own time is a precondition of our coaching work and will allow us to use our time more productively.

The point isn’t to rush through the material as quickly as possible, but to benefit from your studies. The course contains a lot of material, and I don’t expect every student to get through every lesson; what matters is that you familiarize yourself with the foundational concepts, then focus more deeply on the lessons you find most relevant to your particular situation. In order to get the most out of those lessons, you will need to do the homework, aka the Reflection Questions at the bottom of every lesson. You can type your answers into the program, or better yet, talk them through with your spouse.

I’ve known people who’ve consumed the entire course in a week, just listening to the lectures without doing homework, but I’m not convinced this is ideal. Most parents come to me fatigued from information overload. What sets my course apart from the many books and podcasts they could be consulting instead is the reflective, personalized element, which aims to mimic the coaching process and support you in personal transformation.

Absolutely, I encourage this.

Lifetime memberships are no longer available outside of packages. Lifetime access to both ROGD Repair and RepairBot comes with the Onboarding Package.

RepairBot is an AI chatbot trained on the course curriculum plus de-identified transcripts of coaching sessions from clients who consented to this use. It’s designed to mimic my approach, helping you apply ROGD Repair concepts to your day-to-day life. Use it to brainstorm in a difficult moment, or collect your thoughts before responding to your kid.

You can share your coaching transcripts with RepairBot and ask for help reflecting on what you learned or distilling insights and using them to shape your responses. The more you share about yourself, your child, and your family, the more customized its guidance will be. You can even call it! It’s not a substitute for self-study, but a good complement to it. That said, remember, it’s just AI — it’s not me, it’s not medical advice, and it can make mistakes.

Visit rogdrepairbot.com to check it out, and report any inaccuracies to hello@rogdrepair.com.

I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Oregon, but I’m not accepting patients, and I don’t diagnose or treat anyone. Since early 2024 I’ve focused entirely on coaching parents.

If you’re looking for a therapist, see “Will you help me find a therapist?” in the coaching questions above.

I was taught the gender-affirming standard of care in an outpatient clinic, and practiced it in good faith for four years. Over time I started seeing the cracks, and slowly came to see the damage it does.

In 2020 I went into private practice and started researching what was bothering me. In 2021 I began saying so publicly.

Yes. When I began speaking publicly in 2021, I quickly found myself defending against accusations of conversion therapy. They went nowhere.

I told the full story to Helen Joyce on episode 11 of my podcast. Listen to episode 11 →

In 2023 I appeared in the documentary No Way Back: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care and became its spokesperson. You can learn more about the film at nowaybackfilm.com.

Yes. Three and a half years after starting my podcast, I became a Christian. It was the crystallization of moral, spiritual, and existential views I had been openly grappling with, along with my audience and guests.

I work with families from all over the world, of every racial, religious, political, and socioeconomic background.

Please email hello@sometherapist.com with details about your organization and what you have in mind.

To inquire about working with me one-on-one, apply through the Clients page. For questions about ROGD Repair or scholarships, ask RepairBot, the gold chat bubble in the corner of this page, or email hello@rogdrepair.com. For anything else, email hello@stephaniewinn.com.

Email hello@sometherapist.com with a short note about who you are and what you’d like to talk about. I only work directly with prospective guests, not publicists or booking agents.

I invite unorthodox, free-thinking guests from many walks of life, including counselors, social workers, medical professionals, writers, researchers, and people with unique lived experience, such as detransitioners.

Please email hello@sometherapist.com with details about your show. You can hear some of my past guest appearances on my YouTube and Spotify playlists, linked from the front page.

New episodes are released every Monday.

Everywhere podcasts are available, including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, Overcast, Pocket Casts, and Amazon Music. The podcast page lists them all.

Not necessarily. I invite free-thinking guests from many walks of life, and the podcast continues to feature guests from all viewpoints.

Newer episodes (#188 forward) may sometimes reflect a Christian understanding, interwoven with and applied to the same issues the podcast has always addressed. The podcast remains diverse and continues to feature guests from all viewpoints.

You can support the podcast on Patreon, by becoming a paid subscriber to my Substack, or through Venmo at @sometherapist.

The podcast is produced by Pods by Nick. Looking for your own podcast producer? Visit podsbynick.com and mention my podcast for 20% off your initial services.